Obviously.

Flying is the gentle art of throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

Occam's razor

1) Get knocked up for being a slut.
2) Claim an invisible sky wizard did it.
3) ???
4) Prophet!

Whoops?

The only mistakes I make are the ones I don't learn from.

Insults

You can't insult me with the truth.

Atheist fundamentalist

Nobody Akbar!

Time

Knowledge is what you get when something goes right.
Wisdom is what you get when something goes wrong.

Romney and the middle class

No, Romney. That was $250,000 a year, not an hour. Sorry for any confusion.

In a nut shell.

The atheists proof of no god is the theists lack of proof.

Not your ordinary rape

Rep. Todd Akin makes more sense when he keeps his mouth shut.

I'm just sayin'

You're entitled to your own opinions, but not your own reality.

Test your theories

If evolution can be dismissed because it's "just a theory", then prove all of science wrong and disprove the theory of gravity by walking off a cliff.

Shot in the dark

Philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room.
Religion is the same, except there's no cat.

It's only a theory

If god claims no one made him, doesn't that mean god is an atheist?

Knowing is half the battle

True freedom only happens when you let go of fear.

My apologies to FDR

Only thing we have to fear is god itself.

Food of the god

Ezekiel 4:12-15
12. Eat the food as you would a loaf of barley bread; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel.”
13. The Lord said, “In this way the people of Israel will eat defiled food among the nations where I will drive them.”
14. Then I said, “Not so, Sovereign Lord! I have never defiled myself. From my youth until now I have never eaten anything found dead or torn by wild animals. No impure meat has ever entered my mouth. ”
15. “Very well,” he said, “I will let you bake your bread over cow dung instead of human excrement.”
At least god can be reasoned with... slightly.

Let the belt buckles hit the floor, biblical style

1 Samuel 18:1-4
1 After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.
2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family.
3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.
4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.

Ezekiel 23:19-20 my favorite

19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt.
20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

Mark Twain

"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it"
Samuel Clemens

Random thought

Morality is not when you place blame of your actions on a superior force.
Religion is the definition of subjective morality.