Obviously.

Flying is the gentle art of throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

Occam's razor

1) Get knocked up for being a slut.
2) Claim an invisible sky wizard did it.
3) ???
4) Prophet!

Whoops?

The only mistakes I make are the ones I don't learn from.

Insults

You can't insult me with the truth.

Atheist fundamentalist

Nobody Akbar!

Time

Knowledge is what you get when something goes right.
Wisdom is what you get when something goes wrong.

Romney and the middle class

No, Romney. That was $250,000 a year, not an hour. Sorry for any confusion.